There needs to be some sort of change in the process. By process, I mean the schedule of life. Why is it that I wake up the same day and feel unsatisfied by the end? Is it because my schedule is always the same and I am consistently waiting for the end of the week to come? Is it due to the fact that I have been trying so hard to please my boss and my superiors rather than myself? There comes a point where I get tired of the loop. There comes a point where I am doing everything I can to find that change, to find that spark of inspiration that sparks a burning feeling in my stomach, the feeling of a new beginning. I sit and wonder at night if this is how I will always think and feel. I hope that it is just because I am in school, have three jobs, and piles of homework while waiting for my graduation day to arrive. I hope that when the day arrives and I get to start the next chapter of my life, I feel overwhelmingly satisfied. I hope that as I grow older I am energized by experiencing new things. It always seems as if you need money to try something new, to see a new place. I feel like this is a false misconception. Go lay in the grass and watch the stars, or go lay on a beach and watch the sun set. It's the little moments that leave humans satisfied, and it is my ultimate goal in life to find something that gives me this feeling each day of my life. I've found that I have been thinking this for a few weeks now. The want of a fresh start, a new beginning, new experiences... the feeling has yet to disappear. I need to wake up, get out more, finish my work for the week and go explore. At the end of the day there is so much that I have yet to discover, so why stay cooped up in my room after a long day of work? Why not get home, go out an explore, and lay my head down peacefully on the pillow that night, with a small smile spread on my lips, feeling a little burst of life in the pit of my stomach. I will no longer be stuck in a loop, I refuse.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Journal 1: Stuck in a Loop
There needs to be some sort of change in the process. By process, I mean the schedule of life. Why is it that I wake up the same day and feel unsatisfied by the end? Is it because my schedule is always the same and I am consistently waiting for the end of the week to come? Is it due to the fact that I have been trying so hard to please my boss and my superiors rather than myself? There comes a point where I get tired of the loop. There comes a point where I am doing everything I can to find that change, to find that spark of inspiration that sparks a burning feeling in my stomach, the feeling of a new beginning. I sit and wonder at night if this is how I will always think and feel. I hope that it is just because I am in school, have three jobs, and piles of homework while waiting for my graduation day to arrive. I hope that when the day arrives and I get to start the next chapter of my life, I feel overwhelmingly satisfied. I hope that as I grow older I am energized by experiencing new things. It always seems as if you need money to try something new, to see a new place. I feel like this is a false misconception. Go lay in the grass and watch the stars, or go lay on a beach and watch the sun set. It's the little moments that leave humans satisfied, and it is my ultimate goal in life to find something that gives me this feeling each day of my life. I've found that I have been thinking this for a few weeks now. The want of a fresh start, a new beginning, new experiences... the feeling has yet to disappear. I need to wake up, get out more, finish my work for the week and go explore. At the end of the day there is so much that I have yet to discover, so why stay cooped up in my room after a long day of work? Why not get home, go out an explore, and lay my head down peacefully on the pillow that night, with a small smile spread on my lips, feeling a little burst of life in the pit of my stomach. I will no longer be stuck in a loop, I refuse.
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